The Journey

Blog post created by aranel vivarini, owner of www.aranelvivarini.com. this blog would be about the journey of a creator, trying to chase the dream of making it in the art industry, as well as adventures and share stories and people that I've meet through it. blogging is a way of curating the soul

Not an abomination.

Let’s talk about the big elephant on the room shall we?

This is where everything starts again, see I haven’t written a blog in a while but I’ve been drawn to do so especially about this topic, because I wanted to write it in a way that would makes sense in a deeper level not in just some controversial or superficial way, it’s a topic that needs to be addressed, a topic of importance and something that I’m sure some will agree with some will not and that’s okay.

This might seem as a not easy topic to talk about but this is just because society and religion have made it more than it is, it’s something simple yet we have complicated it, it’s about sexuality and about someone loving someone of the same sex.

As you might know or maybe you didn’t know, I like girls, yes I’m gay, were you wondering? well now you know, yeah okay back to importance of the matter. I have always been into girls, except for that one time I dated a boy in middle school for 3 weeks only to breakup with him a day before valentines day ( I know I still feel bad about it too) not only I’m into girls but I also happen to be into Jesus. what a paradox huh? I think both of these might surprise some people, those who have just now met me and those who have known but didn’t know I was saved.


why am I addressing this? why am I taking a long time to re-write this over and over again, why is it that I’m willing to per my mom’s words “expose” myself and be vulnerable on the internet? because It only takes one sign to change someone’s life, it takes one perspective to make an impact, it takes one blog to give the go ahead in someone’s life and avoid the struggles they might be going through and that for me is enough, let me tell you a little bit more about me so you could understand why is it that this is very important for me to address

I’ve been into girls since I can remember, I came out when I was 13 years old, ya’ll that’s 10 years ago YAY me but more importantly I was saved a little over a year ago, and for those who don’t know what I mean when I say saved, it just means that I surrender my life over to Jesus. if you know a little about my testimony you know that God kept on being persistent with me, he knocked and knocked, he was being very loud and clear that he wanted me to turn to him, that he wanted me to be part of his family, he wanted to save me from the hell I was gonna go through, yet I didn’t listen.

See my point is that he knew, he knew I was gay yet here he was fierfully knocking, fierfully trying, fierfully wanted me to love him but most importantly he wanted to LOVE ME. He saw me for my heart and it’s crazy to me how he still chose to pursue me in days that I didn’t believe in a God.

There was a point in my life where I didn’t really believe in God, I mean I knew he was there but in my head he was just some man made thing, why? well simply because I didn’t want to believe in something that everyone said would hate me, like come on who wants to be hurt and tortured that way? I grew up with the same fear many LGBT people have, I thought I was an abomination, I thought I was being judge everywhere I would go, not matter how hard I tried to be a good person I always felt that I was destined to be labeled as bad by society, so I built this shell of not wanting to be surrounded by people because I was going to get judge and hurt by strangers just because I was gay. I remember clearly the first time I had “the talk” with my parents, I was crying endlessly but the only thing that would come out of my mouth was “but I’m a good person” I wasn't an abomination like others were making me believe, my dad even told me that I was going to hell because of this, yet he wasn’t religious, he didn’t know anything about God but here he was using the same line society was using.

I didn’t want to do anything with God, religion or anything that would resemble it. Before leaving to GA I was approach almost every week for a period of two months, just random people coming up to me, they would start talking about god, they would try and get me to go to church, to give my life over but I was pissed by this, I was so mad. I didn’t understand this, in. my head I thought these people wanted to convert me into something I wasn’t but that very misunderstanding took me to what would be my worst chapter in life.

I don’t want anyone else to go through this, I don’t want people to go through the same struggles I did, to experience what I experienced just because society and religion is making you think you’re not worthy of God’s love, I never struggled with my sexuality but I struggled with my faith and that is product of what we’re being made to believe, if he saved me what makes you think he won’t save you? You’re much more than your sexuality, you are more than who you love, that’s just a part of who you’re not all you are. Don’t let your sexuality define who you are, we were made uniquely by God, He created you for a purpose!

I’m a person who is passionate about life, that loves Jesus and happens to like girls!

I want to close with this, If God, the same God that created me, the God that created you, the God that created the universe, saw my heart and decided to love me for that why isn’t that we can’t do the same?

We’re not an abomination, I understand that the LGBT community is not the greatest community to be a part of, there’s a lot of lust and darkness involved but if we’re not being brave enough to address this, if we’re not being brave enough to realize it, how is it that we’re gonna change it? how is it that we’re gonna lead people to the light if we’re not brave enough to go into the dark and uncomfortable places?

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Film Is Not Dead 01

Film is not dead, not a cliche name at all but whatever we all do cliche things even if we don't want to right?. okay so I since I've been putting 0 to none effort to put blogs together I decided to do this little series. a few months ago I was blessed with a canon film camera by a guy nice enough to gift it to me,he didn't know if it would work but here we are I've already shot 3 rolls on it and I love it. After doing the first roll on the cheapest film I could find on my local pharmacy I decided to get myself one of the best film out there portra 400.  to only regret it after being dumb enough and let my local cvs develop it, they managed to messed up most of my pics from this roll however some of them came out really good so I decided to share them with you. 

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You're not a hero

little Ara

Look back, see yourself playing the hero? See how you helped saved Iguanas from being killed by a slingshot? Do you see yourself chasing kids calling your name? look back, do you see yourself running around playing tag? Playing ball? Do you see that kid that believed in love? That believed love was a magical force that would last an eternity? Remember that kid that swore to god to never ever smoke, that kid who’s life was a fairy tale, that kid that went to Disney world every year to meet her heroes? That kid who’s smile would light up a room? That kid that had the innocence of believing that everyone was good? That every soul she touched was pure? That believed good hearts were real? see that kid that cried in her grandmothers funeral and weeks after that? See that kid that not matter how bad the situation was,tried to see the good in it? See that kid that loves with such a tender heart? Look closer, remember the look of pain when her heart was broken for the first time? Or that time that her parents found out that she in fact wasn’t what they wanted her to be? That time she got so drunk trying to explain her parents that loving someone didn’t make her a bad person? But instead made her brave, remember those nights where it was a struggle to breath? The time you broke that girl's heart breaking yours in the process? or that time you saw her for the first time and couldn’t believe your eyes? do you remember? Or that time you found love in the dance floor while alcohol ran through your veins? That the only thing you remember was that she kissed you and told you not to be afraid? Do you remember all the struggle? All the cars you washed in the burning sun? Or that time you slept for a year in an air mattress. or that time you saw your mom cry because of someone’s else words? That time your dad told you that we had nothing but still wanted to give you everything? that time she saw her friend hit bottom? That time she wanted to help but couldn’t? See that time she realized that not everyone needed fixing? That time you wanted nothing but be a hero? but realized that you're not a hero?

                              - Aranel Vivarini